Death affects us all. We will all die and we will all at some time face the death of beloved family members and friends. Yet often during this time of grieving, we are left feeling cheated by the sterile process of funerals and a sense of competing against
the clock in order to farewell our loved ones.
The idea for Tender Funerals arose from a community conversation about the high cost of funerals and the sense that they were being driven by an industry rather than by those closest to the person who had died. As a result of this conversation, we decided
funerals should be the responsibility of the community. For as Colin Murray Parkes wrote, "because we are one people, one community, the death of one is the concern of all."
This is reflected in the desire we have found within the community for a more sustainable, affordable and meaningful funeral practice. We are building communities of support and skill while facilitating an authentic experience. Tender Funerals realigns the
care of the dead with the changing values of our culture.
Our plan is to create a community-based, not-for-profit, contemporary funeral practice that can be replicated anywhere. The decision was spontaenous and intuitive - in the beginning we were surprised by our own passion but some deep collective nerve has
been activated and we are determined to make this happen.
Imagine this:
When someone dies, we don't hand them over to strangers.
If we want to be involved we can wash, dress and tend to our loved ones with our own hands and we can have someone to help us.
We can take all the time we need and this way we can know in both body and mind
that they are gone.
Everything that is important to us about that person - their personality, style,
creativity and spirit - will be included in the process.
Tender funerals will provide help in the form of skilled practitioners who will facilitate without directing. We will always put people and relationships first.
Our goal is to provide services and experiences that are meaningful, authentic, healing and beautiful. Each person is unique and their funeral should reflect this.
We will operate in ways that will not leave community members with large debts. We will not take shortcuts, nor we will take advantage of those who are grieving.
We will seek supplies and services, particularly those that are handmade and sustainable, that will put money back into the local economy.
This is an idea steeped in historical values, re-imagined for the modern era. It is people-centred rather than profit-based.
We have the drive, determination, passion and, most importantly, the skills, to make this model succeed. And once we are up and running, we will show other communities how to make it happen for them.
Above all, Tender Funerals will demonstrate that love is not defined by expense. Love defines itself.
Together, we can make this happen.
